Yesterday, I Got a Glimpse of My Future!

Four  and a half  Generations 2004

Yesterday (Memorial Day) I posted a brief rendering expressing my gratitude for my offspring, who are now adults with their own families.  This morning as I reflect on the day, I realize that yesterday was a preview of what life may very well be like for my husband and I in the not-so-distant future.  

What I thought was a happenstance was actually a prelude into  a succession that has been a part of my family for at least three prior generations.  Since childhood, I have been in the presence of elderly people who were part of my extended family. I remember my grandparents taking me with them regularly to visit my Grandma's sister-in-law's mother who everybody called Ma.  My grandmother not only paid her social visits but she went there with purpose - to cut the older woman's toenails.  As a child I couldn't imagine anything any more disgusting, yet Grandma did it for years and then one day "Ma" was gone.  My grandmother once told me that she loved old people and at the time I wondered why.  It's funny but the older I get, the more I find myself drawn to those who are at least a generation above my own.  I want to hold onto them and glean as much of their wisdom and experience as I can...while I can.

As the older generations are fading away, I realize that my generation is getting closer to taking their place as the family matriarchs and patriarchs - the church mothers and church Elders.  I miss their stories about what happened "back in the day" and how things were done.  There are so many things I wish I had asked my grandmother when she was alive.  As close as I was to my grandmother, I still I feel as though I missed many opportunities by not asking questions that I didn't know I'd have now that she's gone.

But I am grateful for the time I had with her.  The Lord allowed me to have both sets of my grandparents in my life until I was 38 years old.  Then, one by one they were called from labor to reward ending with the one nearest and dearest to my heart - Nana made her transition in 2005. My daughters have had the rare benefit of not just hearing tales and recollections about their great-grandparents, but interacting with, being cared for and loved by them.  

"Spa Day" with my granddivas

Nana, the grandmother who helped raise me lived to be well into her 90s and in good health until about the last six months of her life.  I had been helping her care for my Grandpa George for nearly 10 years - until he passed away.  Together she and I not only cared for him, but also my mother who had suffered a stroke.  Before then, Mom had been the one who provided the elder care. My daughters have grown up watching and learning how to be nurturing caregivers.

In a few months, if the Lord says the same I will be 55 years old and  I've been a full time caregiver since January of 1996 when Mom suffered the stroke.  Although I am in good health, without question I feel some changes in my body.  As much as I try to fend off the signs of aging some things are inevitable and I am definitely slowing down.  Don't get me wrong, I am far from checking into Shady Pines, but let's face it, it is what it is.  Every now and then when my daughters, and now granddaughters thank me for something I say to them:  "You're welcome, remember me when I'm old."  Of course they always tell me "I got you."  But yesterday I got a glimpse of the things to come:

Two nights ago I had a terrible allergy attack and could not sleep.  I had been taking a non-drowsy anti-histimine which simply was no match for whatever it was that set me off this time.  I finally went back to bed just before dawn and although it was the holiday and I anticipated that I'd have a ton of cooking and entertaining my grandchildren later in the day, I took a Benedryl tablet and slept for a short while.  In total, I'd received about 3 1/2 hours of sleep.

When I called my daughter to discuss the final menu I was still under the influence of the Benedryl and feeling the effects of sleep deprivation.  I failed miserably at stringing together words that resulted in a resonably intelligent conversation. Apparently my daughter sensed that I was not capable of pulling off the holiday meal.  I had said something so loopy that we both had to laugh and she suggested that I just plan to rest for the day.  She and her husband would handle everything.  I am NOT used to that but gladly conceded.

My wonderful daughters

When they arrived they brought all of the meats that needed to be grilled - already seasoned and marinated.  They also brought plenty of side dishes and even a watermelon for our dessert.  I thought the least I could do was start the fire in the grill and have the coals ready for my son-in-law; but for some reason I couldn't even do that. I had left my barb-b-cue lighter out and it drowned during one of the many rain storms we've had recently - so it had to be thrown away. Then I scrounged up a partial book of  matches which were no more useful as the lighter. Finally I went inside to scout out another book of matches or a renegade lighter.  When I returned with another questionable book of matches and a pile of junk mail to use as kindling, I saw that William had already gotten the fire started and was confidently making preparations to grill his masterpieces.  My daughter again "suggested" that I just not do anything.  

So I gave my mother a snack and retreated to the living room with a novel and a bottle of water. My husband, our children and grandchildren communed in the yard and I went on a literary vacation.  Occasionally the little ones bounded in to tell me about bugs and bubbles then quickly disappeared again.

Several chapters into my novel, my youngest was plating Mom's dinner.  She would take it up to her, and her 7-year-old would carry Mom's beverage up.  Having gotten us "seniors" settled, the others were  packing up and preparing to head home.  There wasn't anything left for me to do except enjoy the delicious feast my daughter and her wonderful husband had prepared for the family.

My daughter and son-in-love,  Mr. and Mrs. Stiff

It occured to me this morning that this was the beginning for me.  This is where the passing of the mantle begins.  Sans any sudden and unexpected illness or injury, the transition should be subtle and smooth. But God forbid that it's not, I know that they will be prepared.  My children will someday be taking care of me.  They will know HOW to do it and they will know WHAT to do.  Because they have been trained from birth so it comes naturally.  Caregiving is what we do, we embrace it and I am grateful that God has given us this gift.

I am grateful for my grandparents and my mother...such marvelous role models. And I am grateful for my daughters and granddaughters who are bringing up the rear.  

This was the Lord's doing and it is marvelous in our eyes.

The Price of Success

We talk about success a lot. Everyone wants success, for sure, and there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be a reasonable desire. But did you know there are only two ways of getting it? And there’s a price for both!

Fundamentally, you can achieve success either at the cost of others, or at your own expense. There’s no other way success comes. You either take success away through tactic, or you make success through your own volition.

And while there may be a price in either case, you’ll be the one who inevitably is paying the full cost in the long run.

Let me explain with an illustration . . .

Two marketers are doing business, both seem to have a level of success, and both appear to be providing some sort of service to the fellow marketers. In fact, it’s hard to tell the two of them apart judging by their promotional skills and their level of enthusiasm in what they’re marketing.

Yet both have achieved success differently, because you see, one measures success by how much money he’s making, while the other sees success by measure of how much happiness, satisfaction, and success he generates for others.

And while the money maker can say he’s found happiness in his wealth, the fact is, that money came at the cost of others. He put money first, and cared little about what he was promoting. As a result, his clients grew increasingly less happy, satisfied, and successful.

Now it’s a well known fact that happiness is only true when one is able to spread it around. Likewise, success in its truest form can only be actualized when its infectiously causes others to share in that success.

In other words, to be truly success-full, especially when you’re in the business of helping others, is to spread that success to those whom you’re dealing with.

Look at it this way, if instead of marketers, we were talking about lawyers, and Lawyer #1 was just in it for the money, and so would charge exorbitant retainers to defend people. How much success would he have if he lost all of his cases?

He may have success in raking in money, but not as a lawyer nor a reliable service provider. He’d be a successful crook.

The prosecution rests.

If you’re in business to make money, you’re going to have to take it away from others in order to have it for yourself. But if your goal is to create success, then you’ll be wealthy beyond your dreams, because you won’t have to worry about taking other people’s money.

They’ll gladly give it you if you’re willing and able to give them success too. In fact, what they pay to get that success from you will be secondary or even incidental to them in comparison.

And here’s the big difference . . .

When you go after the money, it’s going to dry up as people become aware of your motives.

On the other hand, if your motives are to create and share success with others, your efforts will go viral. If people can learn and achieve success from what you market, they’ll want to share that with other people they may know.

So yes, regardless of the type of success you wish to gain, you are going to pay the price for it in the end. Will the price be worth it? Calculate the cost of your motives and find out!

Um, What's Your Excuse for NOT Working Out?