Girlfriends, More Precious Than Gold (Excerpt from Pearls of Wisdom for Wives: How to Have a Joyfully-Ever-After Marriage)

Celebrating my 54th Birthday September, 2010

Many wives say that their husbands are their best friends, yours truly included. Additionally, I am blessed to have several BFFs (Best Friends Forever). They are ladies in my circle of influence who are near and dear to my heart. Some of them are my age, some young enough to be my daughters, some seasoned enough to be my mother. Some of them have become my friends within the past couple of years, others within the last twenty years; and then there are those precious jewels who have been my girlfriends since we all had waistlines. My BFF Thomasina still has a waistline, and she can still do a cartwheel! All of my friends are a necessary part of my life but not necessarily at the same time. I'm bound to my girlfriends by the interests we share; by business ventures, church or community involvement. One thing we all have in common is the love of Christ.

I've been told that you can only have one or two real friends and for most that might be true. Fortunately the relationships I have with the women I'm referring to have stood the proverbial test of time. I've also enjoyed short term, transitional relationships which were meaningful for the season in which they took place.

A woman who, like me has been blessed to have a loving, supportive husband and nuclear family is fortunate indeed. And I don't take that privilege lightly. It's such a treat for me to be in the company of my true, got-your-back-no-matter-what girlfriends.

I've heard women say I just don't trust other women or I don't get along with other women and I feel sad for them. Women who subscribe to the philosophy of mistrusting or avoiding friendship with other women based solely upon their gender have either had a very bad experience or have been trained to think that way from an early age.

Women have told me they don't trust other females or have girlfriends because the girl I thought was my best friend stole my boyfriend/baby's daddy/husband. They cut the friend off (and rightfully so) but let the cheating man off the hook with some sort of warning - placing the weight of the blame on the woman.

Some women deny themselves the pleasure of having meaningful friendships with deserving women because they don't want to risk getting burned again, but continue to get involved in toxic relationships with the same man in a different suit. That’s insanity.

But, as they say I digress to the benefits of having a girlfriend or two in your life. There are things you can share with your girlfriend that your husband can't - and doesn't even want to relate to. For example, your hormonal issues, the way the guy in the next cubicle is trying to take credit for your hard work, the woman in the alto section who you think gives your husband way too much attention... Those are conversations men often dismiss as "emotional" or as "female paranoia" - and sometimes they may even be right. I often tell my husband he can't relate to some of my feelings and opinions because he doesn't have a uterus.  It's wonderful though, to have the freedom to bounce our feelings, be they legitimate or not, off your girlfriends and not be judged.

You can be real with your girlfriends; you don't ever have to be on. No age group has a monopoly on genuine relationships. They can be enjoyed during the Pimply PMSing teen years, the neurotic, psychotic 20s, the Think-you've-got-it-all-together 30s, the Fierce 40s and, where I am today, the Fabulous 50s and even beyond.

As with any relationship, the time spent and energies invested in establishing, cultivating and maintaining a relationship with girlfriends requires prioritizing and balance. You can't neglect your household, work or family in favor or your girlfriend, unless of course she is in crisis mode. By the same token, the woman your kids call "Auntie" shouldn’t  be sitting at your kitchen table every time your husband comes in from work and you shouldn't be running over to her house all of the time. There isn't a set calculation for what is considered reasonable and what is not. That is dictated by the needs of your household and should be agreed upon between you and your husband.

Imagine your life as a scaled down dart board. In the center, the bulls eye, is Jesus, your spiritual core, the next "ring" represents your husband, then your family. The rings don't end there, and neither does your life. Our total being is made up of many components. Work, personal interests and non-nuclear relationships are among those components. A woman who excludes rich external relationships may not be aware of the myriad of benefits derived from having at least one BFF.

I encourage the outlets of lunch dates, chick flick nights, retreats, pamper parties, etc. Being involved with girlfriends in the proper context, can help you as a wife to maintain a sense of self and simply adds joy. If you're a person who can't get into female relationships, but would like to, email me and perhaps we can get to the root of the matter.

I conduct a powerful workshop for women entitled, Your Slip Is Showing, which addresses the development and maintenance of agape friendships between women. For information about how you can bring Your Slip Is Showing to your women's group, email me: venusisms@gmail.com