31 Habits of a JoyFULL Wife, Habit Number 31 - Have a Love Affair!

Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee. SOS 1:4

Of the 31 habits I've shared this month, I'm sure some on you have wondered why I'm been virtually silent when it comes to talking about your husband. The reason is that I wanted to drive home the fact that we have to learn how to consistently rely on the joy that only comes from God - and contentment with who we are before we can expect to have the added benefits that come with a lifetime covenant partnership.

It has been my experience from coaching countless wives and wives-in-training, that there is a misinterpretation of where joy and contentment truly originate from - and how they are sustained. Having said all of that, I provided 30 recommendations for taking the responsibility of making you happy out of the hands of your husband; or anyone else for that matter, and leaving it with you.

As I've said to married people many times, your spouse is NOT responsible for making you happy. Once you embrace that principle, you can begin to see yourself and your spouse as God does, love deeply and genuinely, and have the unspeakable joy that is mentioned in the bible.

Still, I can imagine that some of you would like to know how do you keep your love alive? How do you fall in love all over again?

Research on successful marriage suggests five actions you can take to fall in love again – to incur the passion you once knew in your marriage. Here they are in nutshell:

1. Research has revealed time and time again the importance of the “loving touch.” The human touch is paramount to the most basic of all human connections. So, the first thing you must do in re-establishing the passion of your relationship is to touch! Touch often. Touch much. Hold hands when you walk. Take turns wrapping around each other in bed at night. Feel the warmth. Feel the love. If you pass your spouse 100 times a day, touch them 100 times. By doing so, you are acknowledging their presence and you are telling them how much you love them. You cannot express love without the human touch. Get started today!

2. Engage in a process that allows you to re-establish the communication links between the two of you. Start with these three questions:

1. Why did we fall in love?
2. Why did we get married?
3. What are our hopes and dreams for the future?

The communicative links between the two of you are highly important and no love, no marriage, and no relationship will ever be jump-started again without the re-establishment of the communicative ties that bind. Getting serious about communication in your relationship is among your highest priorities. Get started today! Check out our “Seven-Week Program for Developing Ongoing Sharing in Your Marriage” in the appendix of our book, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage.

3. Work hard to have fun with each other! Dine out at your favorite restaurant. Spend a night in a motel. Take a vacation to Disneyland, just the two of you! Cook a romantic dinner at home. Whatever you do, do something that ignites the passion and the fun! Do something that takes your relationship “beyond boring.” Do something together that makes your lives exciting and fun-filled. Marriages can fall into the doldrums but it doesn’t have to be that way. Rediscover what makes you excited, what gives you a sense of adventure, and what makes your adrenalin flow! Successful marriages are not boring! Plan a passion starter today!

4. Upend expectancies! Do not always do that which is predictable. Here’s an example. One of the lovely couples we interviewed a few years ago told this wonderful story. Their life together was getting too predictable and too boring. At 85 years of age, they were both entirely too focused on “settling in.” They would sit in front of the TV, rarely talking, and content with their station in life. Shoot, they were both 85 years old they thought! But as they shared with us, it didn’t have to be that way. When Clarence came home from a golf outing one glorious Sunday afternoon, he was met by his beautiful wife, Grace, at the front door in her “altogether.” Grace thought, “What the heck, if I can’t get him interested in anything but golf and TV, I will just meet him at the door naked. Maybe he will get interested in me!” As it turns out, Clarence got the message. Of course, what happened after this homecoming episode they didn’t share with us! The most important lesson is this – Clarence and Grace decided that upending expectancies was a good thing from time to time! Try it. You be surprised at what can happen!

5. Tell your spouse how much you love them and why! Never, we repeat, never, fall into the trap that says, “I don’t have to tell him/her I love them, he/she knows I do.” Nothing could be further from the truth! People who love people are the luckiest people in the world, of that you can be sure. And to tell the one you love, “I Love You” and to do it often, makes them even luckier! Never take the one you love for granted. Big mistake! To love people is wonderful. To tell them you love them is amongst the greatest gifts you could ever give. Start today.

You see, the rekindling of love is not so complicated. Don’t make it so. Just take these five simple actions and you will re-ignite your love affair with your husband.